In light of recent discussions surrounding the grandson of the late South African leader Desmond Tutu, his mother faces criticism for claiming emotional abuse inflicted upon her son by his famous grandfather. She insists that her accusations are not motivated by a desire for financial gain or fame, but by a deep-seated belief that her son deserves recognition and humane treatment.
For over two decades, Desmond Tutu did not acknowledge the existence of his grandson. Despite DNA tests conducted in 2011 confirming with 99.99% probability that the young man is indeed Tutu’s descendant, Leah Tutu, the only surviving grandparent, has yet to reach out to him. This absence has left a profound impact on the now 24-year-old, who longs for connection with his family.
The mother asserts that the primary role of grandparents extends beyond financial support; it encompasses moral and emotional guidance, as well as the passing down of family heritage. Many devoted grandparents, especially in our increasingly globalized world, are using modern technology like social media to connect with their grandchildren, ensuring that emotional bonds are maintained despite physical distances.
Critics question whether this neglected grandson is entitled to support from his grandparents and if they bear a moral or legal obligation to engage with him. While the answer is complex, the role of grandparents is vital across various contexts—culturally, religiously, and socially.
The Bible underscores the importance of children, emphasizing their innocence. Luke 18:15-16 states, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Proverbs 22:6 further instructs parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go.” But what happens when biological parents fail to provide this guidance? Should their grandparents then turn away from their grandchildren, abandoning them in their time of need?
In some African cultures, a child born out of wedlock is often shunned, but if the paternal family acknowledges the child, they assume a responsibility toward them. Once welcomed, the child is recognized as part of the family. Ignoring this responsibility can lead to identity crises and feelings of rejection.
The mother notes that her son has grown up emotionally distressed, especially witnessing his grandfather champion the rights of other children while ignoring his own. This public display of affection directed at others, while he watched and felt rejected, has deeply affected him. His experience is not unique, as many grandchildren fantasize about the connections they miss, but for him, the pain was compounded by often watching on TV what he had been denied.
The wellbeing of a child in African society is paramount. It embodies the essence of the “Ubuntu” culture that many Africans embrace. It is taboo for an elder or grandparent to shun an innocent child because of their origin; doing so results in a loss of respect. As Desmond Tutu stated on the International Child and Youth Care Network on March 28, 2000, “Africans have this thing called UBUNTU. It is about the essence of being human; it is part of the gift that Africa will give the world. It embraces hospitality, caring for others, and the willingness to go the extra mile for their sake. We believe that a person is a person through another person, that my humanity is caught up, bound up, inextricably, with yours. When I dehumanize you, I inexorably dehumanize myself. The solitary human being is a contradiction in terms, and therefore we seek to work for the common good because our humanity comes into its own in belonging.”
May be one day, this innocent young man will understand the human aspect that he lacks, to qualify to be treated as a human being within the “Ubuntu” or “Human Rights” context.
In the meantime, Desmond Tutu’s unrecognised grandson continues to endure the suffering, but as Desmond Tutu pointed out: “The problem of evil and suffering is important and is not to be dealt with lightly. Our ability to do evil is intimately connected to our ability to do good. One is meaningless without the other. Empathy and compassion have no meaning unless they occur in a situation where one could be callous and indifferent to the suffering of others. Suffering, it seems, is not optional. It is part and parcel of the human condition, but suffering can either embitter us or ennoble us. I hope that people will come to see that this suffering can become a spirituality of transformation when we find meaning in it”. Desmond Tutu – “God Has a Dream.”
In Desmond Tutu’s own words,
“IT IS unfair for any child to have to grow up wondering who his or her parents are.”
“It is unfair for a mother to have to raise a child without the support of the father of the child.”
“And it is unfair for grandchildren and grandparents alike not to know and love one another.”